"Sprouts" Response

Voice Card  -  Volume 20  -  Stuart Card Number 9  -  Sat, May 18, 1991 10:50 AM

This is a response to VC 19 Drury 34 ("Sprouts")...

As with your previous columns about parrot food, I think that this is a generally well written, clearly written column. Good Job!

You're still having a little difficulty, it seems to me, with juggling your primary and your secondary audiences, however. In this case, your primary audience, the person who asked the question, seems fairly knowledgeable. He/she seems to know the difference between a "fatty seed and a sugar or a starch" with regards to animal nutritional needs.

Your secondary audience may not be so expert, but you've picked up on the primary audience's discourse in your response to the question, with the result that some other readers may be confused or lost in your answer. I think there's a way to answer the question of your primary audience without getting the secondary audience lost or confused.

In the first paragraph of your answer, for example, I felt a little more clearer explanation of the process whereby foods break down into their nutritutional components would be helpful for the reader. Can you be sure that your audience knows what "simple sugars" or "complex carbohydrates" are? You begin to address this problem with your "an aside," but the explanation doesn't go far enough, it seems to me.

With regards to the second paragraph about the chicken and the egg, I confess I get lost there. I think the parenthetical statments contribute to the confusion. I would streamline and simplify that explanation.

I like the rest of your column, especially when you bring in your experience with your own birds. Good job!