On Friends/Lovers

Voice Card  -  Volume 9  -  Suzanne Card Number 1  -  Tue, Sep 19, 1989 2:14 PM

This is ONE OF 3 responses to Vol 8 John 19 ("Friends and Lovers")...

Women and men have a hard time getting along anyway because men aren't women and women aren't men. Both tend to have different expectations and priorities in any relationships they might have.

That's putting it mildly for some of the men I've been involved with. For those men, I wished them the worst, changed my phone number and hoped I'd never see them again.

But I've also been involved with some very nice, interesting men, in which the sexual part of it didn't work out either because they wanted to get more involved than I did or I wanted to get more involved than they did. Trying to deal with the aftermath as friends has always been difficult, because the one who wanted more feels hurt and the one who wanted less feels guilty. Of course these friendships don't always work out either, but when they do they can be very rewarding. Sometimes you get to know the other person in a way that is more genuine than before because it's easier to stand back to gain perspective, and in doing this you often gain insight into your own role in the former relationship's impending doom.

So if you can stick it out, I think you learn something--although it often isn't fun, and it's never fun at first--and it's possible to end up with a pretty good friend.

[Editor's note: I continued my arguments in my response to Larry's card; See Vol 9 John 18]