Who choses the spouse

Voice Card  -  Volume 11  -  Roger Card Number 1  -  Thu, Dec 7, 1989 1:19 AM


Tolkien, your hero, had a clear vision of the human condition when he said that the family choice (or which ever authority does the choosing of the mate instead of leaving it to the individual) leads to the more stable and hence happier relationship.

If you pick your mate yourself, you are aware of making the choice, and it is almost inevitable that sometime someone else will come along and you will think, that new one is really what I wanted while the one I have now isn't really what I wanted.

Since you are aware of making the choice, in the first place, it will be a heck of a lot easier to make another choice. If you didn't choose in the first place, you will not be quite as ready to throw away the current situation. This is especially true if the authority that makes the choice in the first place is around to see that you keep your end of the bargain.

In the U.S., we are used to admiring the individual, the person who choses what he or she wants and feel a little bit whimpish if we don't. We shouldn't let that feeling bother us. The important thing is the commitment to make a sucess of the situation we have.

I tend to favor the authoritarian's choice with a couple of free vetos. I think that the stability of the society would be better and the individual happiness would be a little bit greater. You have a greater chance of finding a good mate though less chance of finding a fantastic mate.

John, your best bet is to ask your Mom to line up three possible wives with the promise that you will definitely marry ONE of the three. Of course this won't be a easy job for your mom so, before you ask her you will have to get a steady job so that you have the appearance of security for the potential wife. You will have to convince your mom that you think its a good idea and you really want it this way and you will stick to your decision regardless.

Remember the women she finds have to be persuaded that they aren't giving up their chance for romance.

What do you pelligonians think of this idea?