Those ties that bind

Voice Card  -  Volume 22  -  Drury Card Number 9  -  Mon, Oct 28, 1991 1:40 PM

This is ONE OF 2 responses to VC 21 Yumi 11 ("Excess Baggage")...


You are right about the parental "baggage" one carries for life. I was reminded of this when my Aunt visited last summer. She and I spent the entire afternoon examining our family.

I confess, I did the listening part, she the talking. It was interesting to hear what this 50+ year old woman had to say about her parents (my grandparents). She could even describe her grandparents and how they influenced her parents. It was a little scary. We touched briefly on my own relationship with my parents. Only briefly, because I confess that I "ran away", literally and figuratively, from them and all their strange little quirky ways.

I may still be carrying the baggage, but I have tried very hard to jettison the bad stuff. I believe I am now happy with my parents just the way they are. We have nothing for which to forgive each other over or to apologize for anything.

This has actually been very difficult, because I didn't much like my mother for years, during my high school and college development. My leaving Idaho Falls and not returning was probably a very healthy thing to do. After a recent visit with my brother, I can still see that he has not come to terms with our mother. And I don't believe my aunt has come to terms with her parents.

It is "funny" some of the things a person "hold against" their parents, only to find out years later, the parent no longer remembers or even believes they ever thought or acted in certain ways. I always believed that my mother did not like children, her own or anyone else's. At this time she has stated several times how she would not have done anything different - she loved raising us and she loves her grandkids. My aunt wants to confront my grandfather on his abusive behavior toward his kids. I never saw this harsh, abusive part of him when I lived with them during college. I don't know that he will be able to provide my aunt with the "apology" she thinks she needs.

Your making a home in Seattle will be a great experience. You may find that you actually want to return to live near your parents! Or maybe you will settle in Japan. Or maybe Seattle will remain your home. You have a lifetime of possibilities and this was a GREAT first step.

I know you will go back to school, too!